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  • Writer's pictureKate Walker

When things aren't fair

This isn’t fair.

We’ve all said it for one reason or another.

Here’s my “it’s not fair” statement:

It’s not fair that I’m the one that has a disability. It’s not fair that I’m the one going through the loss of a parent. It’s not fair that my fatigue is keeping me from going out with my friends. It’s not fair that I have to spend all day at the doctor/hospital. I’m 19. Why can’t I just be 19?

You might have read that and immediately felt sorry for me. I don’t want you too, though. The point of me sharing this statement is to let everyone know that I have moments where I don’t see the bright side of the situation. I go through phases when I feel like I’m drowning in the things that aren’t fair. And that’s okay.

The truth is, we all have an “it’s not fair” statement. You’re lying if you say you don’t. There is something in all our lives that makes us scream “THIS ISN’T FAIR!” like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Maybe it’s a diagnosis. Or the loss of someone close to you. Or maybe you lost your job. Or didn’t get the promotion you wanted. Or maybe you just spilled your coffee. No matter how big or small, there’s always something that doesn’t seem fair.

I didn’t write this blog as a solution. I don’t have steps for you to follow for when you don’t feel like something is fair. Sometimes it’s better to not actively look for a solution and let yourself feel your feelings.

I wanted to share something that my therapist helped me learn. One time at my appointment, I said something along the lines of “This isn’t fair. How is this fair?” You know what she said? “You’re right. It isn’t.” She didn’t try to give me an answer or a solution. She didn’t console me or try to reassure me. She just let my emotion of something being unfair sit right there in the room with us.

Through this I learned that there doesn’t have to be a solution. There doesn’t have to be a clear-cut way to fix the problem. Things can just be unfair and suck. I used to try so hard to fix my feelings when I just needed to let them exist and sit right there in the room with me. I hope that if you’re reading this, you let yourself feel your feelings. And remember that things aren’t fair all the time. Things don’t have to make sense and follow a rule book. That’s not how life works. Sometimes things aren’t fair. And it’s okay to admit that.

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